Strangers or Neighbors?

Lessons Learned in the Big City, for a New Era

Today, as we honor Martin Luther King, Jr. and simultaneously witness the changing of the guards in the office of President of the United States… I can’t help but think about the concept of neighbors, and the assumptions we may have about them. MLK Jr. dedicated his life to challenging the incorrect and unfair assumptions many Americans held about their neighbors. And today, Donald Trump started his first day in office by making some executive decisions that drastically affect our neighbors. In the midst of my overwhelming thoughts today, I offer my inadequate words of reflection of my own assumptions about neighbors… and some assumptions that were challenged during my recent trip to New York City.

Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

What is a neighbor? And when does a stranger become a neighbor?

People in Oklahoma often like to wave at passing cars for no reason, hold open doors for strangers, and generally display manners that would be considered tip-expecting gestures in some places. My college freshman roommate (who was not from Oklahoma) once joined me on a visit to my small, rural hometown. She was confused after only riding with me for 5 minutes around town, when she finally asked, “Do you actually know EVERY car we pass?!” Most of them, yes… but not all of them, I explained. “Then WHY is every single driver waving at you as we pass them?” She simply couldn’t believe that people would wave at strangers passing by, simply to say hello.

I’ve been out in the world away from my little hometown long enough to realize that these types of behaviors are not standard “stranger” operating procedures.

Take New York City, for example. You can literally walk down the busiest sidewalks in America without making eye contact or being spoken to by another single soul. You can even share a seat on a crowded Subway without anyone acknowledging your presence.

Do people in big, bustling cities simply prefer to be left alone? Aren’t they notorious for being self sufficient, moving quickly, and avoiding small talk if they can help it?

These are cultural assumptions I’ve admittedly made before, based on both my own experiences and the stereotypes I’ve learned over many decades.

Perhaps that’s why my recent experiences in NYC were counter-cultural in many ways. It’s why Maria the limo driver was pleasantly caught off guard when Sister thanked her by name and inquired about her day. Or why the lady at the hotel breakfast buffet was speechless when I noticed that she was also looking for a spoon, (which was temporarily out of stock at the buffet) and after eventually locating one for myself, I also brought one to her table too. It really wasn’t a big deal, but apparently, it was to her.

Mauricio, the hotel restaurant host, greeted us each morning at breakfast, and on the first day he apologized for his broken English. He recently moved here from Chile and was trying to learn the language in this new and strange world. Thus began our exchanges each morning, with my feeble attempts at Spanish each time we passed. (and also the reason I quickly located the “cuchara” [spoon] the aforementioned lady and I both needed… she simply didn’t know to ask Mauricio 😉)

When we met Nic and Sergio, our bicycle carriage tour guides in Central Park on Thursday, we asked about their previous lives in Belarus and their current lives in NYC. They aren’t just bicycle tour guides; they are hard working immigrants who have learned the history of the city better than most natural born Americans would ever even consider. They remembered our names, made us laugh until we actually cried, and when Sister tracked them down 3 days later… they offered us a complimentary ride back to our hotel because we were friends.

And then there was our driver who delivered us safely and promptly to the airport from our hotel, navigating crazy traffic on the busiest day we had seen in Manhattan. He had moved to NYC from Colombia, South America with his family and lives on Long Island- where rent is upwards of $5,000 a month. He worked hard to buy his immaculate SUV so that he can work in the transportation industry and help contribute to his family, as he lives with his parents and grown siblings. He loves his dog Timber and even flies with him as a therapy pet when he goes back to visit Colombia. He too, is learning English, and was delighted when Sister sat in the front seat next to him and gave him the joy of conversation the whole ride.

See, we sometimes assume people just want to “mind their own business,” especially in a bustling city like NYC. We sometimes like to think that we are better off simply as strangers. But what I continue to discover out in this big crazy world…is at our core, all humans truly crave connection. We want to be seen, feel known, and share this human experience with others. And when we take the time to see people as worthy, valued, and loved - not as “others”… we can remind each other that our lives have great value and meaning. Especially when we truly see the people who are more often “unseen”… the cashier, the hotel maid, the taxi driver. The immigrant.

It’s not enough to talk about how we should “love our neighbors,” (especially those of us who claim Christianity). We have to LIVE like our neighbors actually matter… the neighbors who don’t speak like us or look like us. And especially as Christians, that means our actions have to at least match (if not exceed) our word. Read: Tip well. Look people in the eye. Learn their name. Don’t shy away from a language barrier; rather, try to learn a few words in their native language, even as they are becoming fluent in yours. Ask about their lives as if they matter, not as if they are here only for your benefit. Think more of the people around you as neighbors, and less of them as strangers.

Now, as we head into 2025 with a new presidential administration, there is already a lot of talk about “strangers.” Strangers who are deemed the enemy, strangers who invade our border, strangers who identify in a way that feels…strange. But what if we could peel back the layers, and see these “strangers” as people just like you and me? What if these “strangers” aren’t actually strangers at all? What if they are truly our neighbors, people who desire to feel seen and known and loved as humans? People who are doing their best with what they have, where they are, while they can?

There are rotten apples in any bunch, no doubt… but before you curse the entire apple tree in your neighbor’s yard, maybe try to peek over the fence and have a human conversation first? Maybe you’ll even learn that you actually enjoy apples (even the “strange” ones).

It’s a wild thought on this Monday, am I right?

Love your stranger neighbor,

Dr. Peek

P.S. And if you need to see this concept in action? Come take a trip to NYC with my Sister ; ) You’ll quickly become friends with the pastor in the plane seat next to you, the woman in line at the airport, or basically any person who will smile back when she dances her way onto the elevator, compliments a man’s shimmery snakeskin pants on the Subway, or chats up the person who no one else notices. She may also be a professional therapist…but it turns out, you don’t need a degree in human-ing to love your neighbor ❤️.